Love is not a noun. We use it sometimes as a description of our feelings. It is common to say, “I love that dress,” or, “I love to dance.” In other words, we often use it to describe how we feel about something or someone else. It is a very pleasurable feeling when we are in that feeling state. This kind of “love” really isn’t very reliable or sustained however. It is rooted in our reaction to things, in reactivity if you will, rather than in our actions. We don’t have much control over our feelings, but when our actions are rooted in our values we end up creating valuable or value-able lives. And, ironically, we tend to make choices that create the conditions for lives that are both meaningful and joyful. When we choose to love, to cultivate the habit of behaving in a loving way, we create the conditions under which we are most likely to feel both loving and loved. Therefore, the act of loving is the heart of real love. Real love is actually a verb. It requires action.

For a moment, he looked surprised!  He was in the midst of telling me about how he had been wronged and why it was wrong.  He relayed the perfectly reasonable…