As we all know, relationships are not always easy. In those moments when we’re upset with our partner, we can easily forget that they also have aspects that we love. And when we aren’t feeling that love, or even the upset, it’s easy to forget them altogether! This practice is one of the core meditations used in the Compassion for Couples (CFC) program and is designed to reconnect us with our partner in those hard moments, bringing loving-kindness and compassion back into the shared space.

~ Take a moment to settle on the shared loving-kindness phrases you would like to practice with.

~ Find a comfortable position with your partner. One in which you’ll easily be able to whisper your phrases to each other. Whatever feels right to you both.

~ Decide who will speak first. Now, both partners letting your eyes close, fully or partially. Take a few deep breaths to settle into your body and into the present moment.

~ Put your hand over your heart, or wherever is comfortable and soothing, as a reminder to bring not only awareness, but loving awareness, to this experience and to yourselves.

~ After awhile, feel your breath where you notice it most easily. Feel your body breathe in and out, and when your attention wanders, come back and notice the gentle movement of your breath once again.

~ Now, gently release your focus on the breath. Begin offering your phrases to yourself. Each partner can silently repeat your own phrases at your own pace in your own way. Or, one partner can say their phrases aloud for both partners to hear and practice for themselves. Whatever is comfortable.

~ Right now, these wishes are aimed inward, toward the self. In other words, both partners are practicing self-compassion, together. Using the intention of your phrases to guide your tone and pacing, offer the phrases that are most meaningful to you. Open your heart to these words, speaking them gently. Work through the phrases two or three times.

~ Whenever you notice that your mind has wandered, refresh your aim by feeling the sensations in your body. Come home to your own body. Feel the importance of your words. Come home to kindness.

~ Now, letting go of that part of the practice, one partner will begin to offer their wishes outward, to their partner, inserting their partner’s name where appropriate (ie, “May you, Jim…”).

~ Allow your heart to be filled with love for this person, if possible.

© Michelle Becker, WiseCompassion.com